Come Together, Right Now: The Art of The Simultaneous Orgasm

It sounds like something you would love to experience, but where can you start? Before you begin, both of you need to be on the same page – it won’t help if your partner wants a quickie but you want a longer, more elaborate session. So proceed only when both of you are ready for it.

Next, you might want to think about the kind of sex that turns you both on, and your partner responds to certain things better than others. Often, many couples cannot orgasm together because women take longer to become fully aroused than men, and they often need other stimuli other than just penetration to reach climax.

For instance, if a woman orgasms only from oral sex or touching, then many sexual positions are out because they cannot provide the kind of clitoral stimulation she needs to be able to climax. So you will need to deliberately create contact with your chosen sex position (the girl on top position should work just great). Her clitoris will get a lot of stimulation just from rocking back and forth, instead of just thrusting. At the same time, since there is not much deep thrusting, the man does not orgasm too quickly.

Experiment with positions where the woman’s clitoris can be touched easily. If she loves oral sex, then use extra lube to mimic the warmth and wetness of your tongue and lips. Or if she struggles to orgasm during sex, you could try a vibrator to get her going.

It’s not a problem if most women take longer to orgasm than men. Just go ahead with plenty of foreplay to get the woman up to speed and match your level of arousal.

Once you’re both ready for sex, keep an eye out for either one of you coming too close to climax while the other doesn’t. Stop at this point – take a breather but don’t break the connection – continue kissing, touching and whispering to each other before starting up again. By changing the speed and activity, you can still retain your connection and continue to arouse each other, so when the orgasm does build up, it will be a more intense one at release.

The best way to have a simultaneous orgasm is to try and synchronise your breathing as you thrust and match each other’s rhythms as well. Men who want extra going time to prolong climax should do pelvic floor exercises – they are like a handbrake during sex.

Couples who have been together a long time and who understand each other’s bodies well, are able to master the simultaneous orgasm. They know what works for them and how to communicate to each other.

You can try using a number system from one to ten to explain to your partner how close to orgasm you are. It ensures that either one of the partners does not get carried away and climax before the other. You might need to use numbers only for a few times – once you have had enough practice, you can read your partner’s cues and sounds to understand what they’re feeling. A sex position that lets you see each other’s faces is a big help so that you can communicate better.

Finally, remember that the key to reaching simultaneous orgasms is to relax. The more at ease you both feel, the more likely it is to happen.