If you and your partner are currently living far away from each other, here are our top tips for turning long distance into going the distance – and saving the relationship.
We’re not going to lie; long distance relationships are really hard and they can get really tricky to maintain. But despite all the challenges they present, they can still work. Surprisingly, you might find that the long distance may even add a higher intensity to your relationship that you may not get it both of you were geographically close to each other. The distance forces you to come up with inventive ideas to communicate and please your partner while you’re still apart, and it is possible to have sexual experiences (and actual sex!) that are more intense when you are together after a long gap of time. Over time, if you are really committed to it, your relationship can actually benefit from the distance. In fact, research published in the Journal of Communication found that people in long distance relationships were more likely to share meaningful thoughts and feelings than those who were not[i].
Going the distance
It’s hard to spend the time or even get through the day when you miss someone, but don’t completely wish away the days until you see each other again just yet. The time you spend apart from each other can also work for you. You don’t need to be in physical contact constantly, but you do need to make the time to talk and be in touch with each other. The best way to be in touch is to schedule in phone dates, and never negotiate on this time, whatever the situation. Try some sexy talk to please your partner when you’re on the phone or chatting with each other online, so that you can keep the flame alive in your relationship. If sexy talk doesn’t come naturally to you, start by reading erotica aloud to each other. And it doesn’t need to be hot and heavy to enhance intimacy with each other – you can also have ‘virtual’ dates, where you watch the same movie at the same time and discuss it with each other throughout, or eat a meal together over Skype.
Letters are so much more personal than emails, so try sending hand-written notes that your partner will love. These notes can include details of what you want to do to your partner when you’re next together. Or it could just be a romantic thought that they will appreciate. It’s always exciting to receive a package via mail, so with your next note, you could post some sexy underwear for your partner (or yourself), or a new sex toy or a pleasure gel you want to try out next time you see them. You could even give them a preview by using Skype to let your partner know what they can expect the next time you’re together. Make the most of all the modes of communication you have at your disposal, and learn how to flirt via text, email and instant messaging. The time you spend apart may not be ideal, but you can the most of a bad situation and make it into a really sexy one.
It’s what you’ve been waiting for, but if you do the ‘together’ bit well, it can make being apart easier too. You can take turns visiting each other, and it’s always nice if the visit is an unexpected surprise. This way, you can be together in exciting ways and have a really great time catching up. Of course, by now you may be desperate to get your partner into bed, because you’re already wasted enough time apart from each other, but do use this time also to do other things. Go shopping, visit friends, and go to the movies…great sex is about an emotional connection, so bonding together will make your bedroom romps even more pleasurable and grounded.
Start your time together while you or your partner are travelling – ramp up the excitement by texting each other to replicate foreplay, albeit a virtual one. You can also practise dirty talk while you’re together so you become more confident and find it easier to continue and keep your partner wanting you even when you’re apart. When it’s time to head off back home, hide a sexy note in their luggage (or around their house if you’re the one returning home) so they can find it later on and feel like you’re still with them.
Ignore the naysayers
There will be plenty of people waiting to sound the death knell on your long distance relationship, telling you that such relationships never work. But they can, and do, and your relationship may even become stronger over time. Once you are past the initial difficulty of being apart from each other, you can learn to appreciate each other more. Besides, you can work out fun new ways to be together even when you’re far away.